It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
