Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
