Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
