Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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