yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
