I just found puke in my bra..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Boobs are out for the taking
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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