went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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