So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize