Where is the hickey?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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