I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
