Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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