At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
