I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
