ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
