I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
