I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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