what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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