what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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