My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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