Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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