Your tits are I can't wait for
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
