Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
home. puking in laundry basket.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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