I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
