I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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