I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
