i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
