im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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