can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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