she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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