I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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