the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
