i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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