HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
