I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
