How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
