Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
