I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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