do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
