I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
