apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
