how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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