There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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