Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
