You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
