you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize