Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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