my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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