i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
