is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
