He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
