Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
