He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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