Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
two words...techno handjob
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
