This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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