FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
