we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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