remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
