you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
