Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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