...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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