She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
