I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize