my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize