dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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