No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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