My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Quick, to the slutcave!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
