I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
